Continued..
Everyone I met that day looked at me, gave a glance as if trying to recall and within seconds the expressions changed to a BIG big smile. Every single relative pulled my cheeks, showed the magical eye pupil rolling and showered tons of attention. Which in my mind gave me an impression as if I was one of a kind. Although a child, but somehow I knew that why I was getting that special attention. Thanks to our society as it comes to us so naturally in our blood. All the oldies of the families gave typical blessing and their words were “ahaa bada sohna lagda, Bhagwaanji nu keh ek chota jeha veer de deo” (looking very pretty, pray to God to give you a small cute brother)

For a moment, I felt lost. If I look cute why do they still want a boy. Well, how much brain you could toil at the age of 4. I continued to enjoy the moment and the attention. After all, I was the only child in my family (after two elder sisters) who took risk of being different, I deserved it.

I was on the top of the world. I felt immensely happy and repeatedly looked my suit, hair, shoes in mirror and thought; I am awesome.  

Next day, I woke up with the same top of the world feeling but soon to realize that I was “Gudiya”  (Doll) again for everyone. The amazing joyous journey had ended. I remember this very well. I wanted to disappear and not want anyone to call me with my girl name. I no longer wanted to wear my pink frocks and pink hair band. What I always kept wondering was, How the hell are all my girl friends so happy. Don’t they know what level of love and preferences they are missing being girls.  Duh! Why don’t they all want to be boys.

Soon I was lost in my routine girl world but inside I constantly wished…

I as a girl wished to be born as a boy then and always. 

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