Summer of 1999

The breaking news spread like wild fire in the entire college. And it ought to be.

Reason being- it was in the history of that college wherein the typical dress code clause for women was removed. So basically, women students were allowed to wear jeans/trousers too if they want. But that was it. Nothing more or should I say nothing less :D

Well, according to me it was the best thing ever. However, on one hand where it brought huge relief to me, at the same time it invited way more competition in dressing among girls. Majority of girls from regular arts/honors still continued with the dress code. But the commerce and management girls,  "Holy cow!"

As I mentioned earlier in my posts, we use to hear a lot of rumors about the Principal of our college. Starting from how strict she was to why was she divorced.

Honestly, I personally had made my own impression about her and boy it was good. I always thought that strictness was required as part of her job, especially in a women’s college (ask me what kind of women) and also because she strongly believed that its women who needs to change her approach towards her own self  We all know path to independence and freedom is not easy. I always saw her inculcating - ideas, confidence, self respect in girl students. Also, the fact remained that her channel of putting these characteristics in our minds was a bit too strong and at times harsh. I also witnessed her forcing things on students- right on their face. Although, I felt that she came across as a real headstrong person  but a part of me always supported her. Don’t know why.

Gradually I discovered that I too had become very rigid, strict, all against men and society. Seriously! I disliked society and men to an extent that I started observing and judging everything that happened around me.  And all I found and concluded was that we have a ‘Big defect in the roots of our society and culture’ which comprises of all of us. But this ‘us’ was not looking good at all.  It seemed as if, all the rituals, traditions, relations were set up only to achieve ‘a’ goal which in some or the other way turned out to be selfish. And also it seemed, that somehow this selfish goal always ended up benefiting and comforting men and the powerful and the illegal in this so called society.

I was a complete manic.

The more I observed the more I hated. The more I hated, the more it made me angry. This entire anger made me come out as revolting person but this time it was a revolt against entire society. The Principal often lead us to women seminars, theaters etc. I don’t know about other girls but I was totally pumped up with those lectures.

Based on what I was learning everyday in college apart from course J I started observing everything that happened around me. Off and on I saw teachers sad or low, specially the married ones. I very well remember one of my favorite teachers who also to me was an example of being a strong lady. Normally she would cheer all of us up and pass on her enthusiastic gizmos but one day she was not in her best form. Eventually after going through the entire lecture, one of the students in the class asked her what the matter was? She said “no matter who you are, women never get to have a say or decide or even express her wish/opinion”.

She said, it’s always your husband who gets to decide. Next in line are the in-laws and if it’s not any of them it’s of course kids. Not one time anyone cares what a women or a wife or a mother wants. To begin with, from deciding the menu of the lunch or dinner in the house or ordering food in restaurant or going on a family vacation. Everybody wants to decide of their own and then, also expect women of the family to be ok with it.

It was disheartening to see Mam like that. Now she had a Masters, Ph. D  UGC degree. And earned 25-30 K back 15 yrs which was good money. She was pretty and had charismatic personality. Her better half was quite lesser to her on all the above mentioned fronts.

So here we were where besides having best level of education and independence of income women still does not enjoy the freedom to express or choose and decide what she wants. (We are referring to majority) And somehow I feel that scene of women is saddest in my country. Why? Because according to me, in other places, either women are quite advanced and independent or they are in total abandonment. which is quite clear that the situation is either good or bad. But only in my place the outlook of women is presented to be so fancy whereas, the reality inside is sad and pitiful. Everything is presented in such a manipulative way. And we women do this fancy thing so artistically only because we love to hear that women are so great and that we have big heart which enables us to comprise and sacrifice and be patient and tolerant.

Ain't that amazing? we are being honored and insulted both at the same time.

I want to say that the majority of contribution and reason behind the status of women always has been women herself. Always!

We are living in this illusion which we chose which actually leaves us with no space and existence of our own. Because we are too insecure.

After hearing this from my teacher, I started studying the same thing in my home. I observed my mother and a lot of women/aunties around. My mother was a working lady so obviously it’s little more difficult to do and mange things for working women.

Women get up early in the morning. By early we mean around 5.00 am. Prepare their kids lunch box, breakfast, make sure kids get up on time and finish breakfast. In our case after we left for school, Mom prepared some basic required meal for lunch too, wrapped up everything and left for her job (she was a headmistress in Govt. school J)

When we/kids came back from school, of course mother was already there, and so was the food for hungry kids. After a nap when we woke up in evening, we would see her going out with dad for some daily household related work. Once she was back, she would get to kitchen for dinner preparation. And we sure know all the work related before and after dinner preparation.  Similar was with other women I looked at in neighborhood who stayed at home or went for work.

So my doubts were how much was she sleeping? did she never felt like watching TV? or going out for a walk or taking a nap or do something other than school or household work. 

And guess what, women is never tired J nor she ever falls sick or feels pain or cold or irritated.

God! Does a woman even have a soul?

And to top it all, like my teacher expressed, after doing so much for the entire family, women still do not have the right to decide or chose where for vacation she wants to go to which is like once or twice a year or what she feels like eating in restaurant once in a while L and if you strong enough to express, its frowned upon by family members and your very own partner feels less and unattended.

Discovering all this, practically killed me inside. I never wanted to marry. Seriously, I decided never to marry. And I also wished if I could just stop the time and not grow. I so not wanted to get into any kind of responsibility or relations. Because let’s face it, the truth remains that it’s only women who were and are expected to take the major not all but major part of household responsibility after marriage. And by responsibility I mean physically, emotionally and socially.

I was so over with this society and its biased selfish set up at the age of 20.

I wished I was born in this same society but after 200 years in the future and hoped to see better status of women then.

Actually I am still wishing for this one!!!!